I received this message from a young lady some time back:
- +How does a child live the values they were never taught?
“After my dad died some years back, my mother didn’t want to stay in the village anymore. She said that she didn’t want to stay alone. And we began to look for work for her. Through the help of my uncle (who was sponsoring my education at the time), we found a family in the city that my mother could go and work for as a live-in domestic help.
“After my dad died some years back, my mother didn’t want to stay in the village anymore.
My mother eagerly accepted the job because she loves children and probably thought she was going there to play ‘grandma’ with the family.
She left that family over five years ago, but she has not stopped talking about her experiences with them, especially the couple’s attitude towards child upbringing.
According to my mother, the couple have four children, with the eldest being about 13 years old.
My mother said that the first time she was scolded by the children’s father was the day the 13-year-old reported her to the parents for not polishing the shoes he wanted to wear to lessons.
My mother said that she was beyond shocked that the man actually ordered her to go and do as the son said and instructed that she never fail to polish the boy’s shoes again.
Another story she told was how the family’s 11-year-old daughter would often summon her to the bathroom with, “I have finished, come and flush the toilet,” after she was done using it.
My mother said she couldn’t understand why a parent never considered it important to teach their growing daughter how to flush the toilet after using it. And that girl was about to start secondary school.
Then came the daily morning routine of carrying down their school bags and lunch boxes.
She said that when it was school time, all four children simply marched downstairs to the car while she followed with all their school bags and lunch boxes.
The same routine applied when they returned from school. They walked straight upstairs, leaving their school bags and empty lunch boxes in the car for the domestic help to bring upstairs.
My mother also talked about the very disrespectful attitude of the children and how words like “idiot” and “you are very stupid” from the children stopped offending her at a point.
She said that when she first got there, she tried instilling discipline in the children but was promptly reminded by their mother that she was employed to serve the family and not to train their children for them.
So, she humbly learned to just clear the dining table after they had finished eating, instead of telling each child to take their plates to the kitchen.”
As we point fingers at young ladies who are not behaving well in marriages and young men who are not treating women right, may we also not spare parents who are raising children that cannot live with others.
How does a child live the values they were never taught?
Tell me what could have instilled compassion in a child more than instructing them to get their own bags instead of comfortably sitting in the car watching an elderly woman go up and down the stairs to fetch them.
Children who have no regard for elderly domestic helps will not behave differently towards their grandparents and older relatives.
One of the tragedies of our time is parents who do not have the “outside world” in mind as they raise their children. These are parents who fail to accept that they will not always be in their children’s lives and that the outside world is where the real test of who they are will happen, and it will shape their destiny.
How can a child who was never taught consideration go out there to show thoughtfulness towards a spouse and others?
The competition among some gullible adults who have no business being parents now is whose children are more indulged. Someone once referred to such children as “designer children.”
“My children do not speak our native language” has even become a boast of sorts now.
I visited a friend recently and met a family (husband, wife, and their children). She explained that they had just relocated to town and, since their accommodation was not ready, she offered them a place in her house instead of continued hotel expenses. Some days later, I learned that their son insisted on going back to the hotel because the air conditioner in the room malfunctioned and he refused to wait for it to be fixed. It did not even matter to him that they were there so that his parents could save costs.
This is the nature of the children we are raising now, low on empathy.
